Since first publishing this piece, I've spent many years thinking about, and discussing, why children might like to hear their parents say "I'm proud of you". 11. They mean the exact opposite of what you think. If youve finally graduated or youre the first one who got an A + in your entire family, your parents express how proud and happy you make them. Your friend wants to say "I am proud of you too, my friend". 3. Proud Boys chairman Enrique Tarrio poses with a Proud Boys member at a rally in Delta Park in Portland, Oregon, on September 26, 2020. Well, that truly makes my day. But I believe that spouses say it, and siblings. However, is this what happens? Those of us who were brought up around this attitude are understandably wary of the phrase, and likely to avoid it. "I know someone in recovery". I was talking about this statement Im Proud of you to a friend.I was annoyed about someone saying they were proud of me who barley knows me. Graduates: TBA, Grandparents: PET for Grandparents. The Mindset of the Ambitious Educational Elite, Thinking Clearly about a Persons Substance Amidst Stylistic Differences, On Intentionally Vague, Mystique-Infused Explanations of Talent, Book Notes: Lost & Found by Kathryn Shulz, Mindfulness of Consciousness Meditation Retreat. Kids also like to know that they invoke parental prideas long as it genuine! Youll feel mad and resentful. Can't you do something different?" They seem to make him quite happy. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. 10. Praise does not help bring up children who have an internal belief in themselves, of self-worth. Sure, they get angry with one another, as do all brothers, but they forgive and move on. Approval is different to acceptance. B Blue Apple Senior Member As if Im mentally retarded and reading a book for the first time in my life, and hoping to get a cookie and a star sticker. I googled a sentence on this topic to see if anyone had written on it (hoping they had). I was an ambitious student with a goal to attend university, which my father completely supported. All Rights Reserved. Based on the situation and who says this, heres a list of better responses to pick. 16. If there is a mentor relationship, fine, but when the relationship is supposed to be about equals, Proud Boys celebrate President Trump's callout to them during debate. Im proud of myself, too. I was damned proud of her for overcoming this setback and told her so. It means that in their eyes you have come a long way from a place you began. Just think of The Sixth Sense, where the son tells his mother that his dead grandmother wanted her daughter to know that the answer to her unspoken question was Every day., His mother begins to cry, and he asks her, What did you ask grandma, and she replies through her tears, Are you proud of me?. . The most important thing is to show your appreciation and gratitude for their words. Gun owners are more likely than non-gun owners to know someone who has been shot (51% vs. 40% of non-owners). Everything you do is with excellence. So happy for us! Thank you so much for this great compliment. Most of the time, having pride about someone else comes from a place of superiority. 10. I wish everyone had a genuine friend like you. I am certain that he would be very proud of you, and he would be proud of your decision to reset your life with rehab. When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration and respect for you and that can be a powerful thing. Get your facts straight. I'm so proud of your painting!" Posted articles do not constitute advice or recommendations. So - does this research negate my concerns regarding the phrase "I'm proud of you"? Love you so much. (I'd prefer "I'm really impressed with report - I can see how much effort you put in, and it's going to be helpful for the organisation". That proud phrase didnt bother me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder, what does she mean when she says shes proud of me? Probably no big deal but would be interested in input from others especially other females. If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, I am so proud of you as it does imply that the speaker played a part. Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). They may continually search for praise from their bosses, their co-workers, their partners. It remains condescending and arrogant. Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. Its very presumptuous. I have never said to my children, I am proud of you. My reason is that thry are responsile for their successes and I shoudnt take any credit for it. Last week, I went back to my college homecoming without my wife. Language gets corrupted. I knew it, if no one was going to like this. I may never know but you can simply ask him if you question the genuineness in his response. 7. I believe you. 3. Rather, relationship skills where we communicate respectfully by listening, by positive I-Messages, by problem solving with our child, will help ensure our children feel connected and valued, and provide our children with a sense of emotional safety. After reading these posts, I think the following: a person will feel pride in anothers accomplishment when they feel deeply connected with the other. "You make me so mad.". For what? you see the work of your close friend and you tell him "I am proud of you". Prior to going back, I asked if shed be going to the homecoming tailgate and football game. She said yes and then she said she wanted to go with me. He loves to share his unique perspectives and ways to make everyday conversations a bit 'lively'. Youre my friend, not my parents! Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. July 7, 2020 April 21, 2018 Hosted by Pressable. The best way to do this is to express your own feelings of appreciation and gratitude for their words. She says "Good boy. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre showing that you value the words of the person expressing their admiration and respect for you. This post was actually very helpful for me! [Chorus] They say redemption's on your mind when you think about . One might consider that the mature thing to do, or the business savvy thing to do, but she has had nothing to do with them for years, because they are arrogant and condescending. How might you feel as the worker? And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . An FBI witness says that members of the far-right Proud Boys had hoped to assassinate Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi during last week's violent storming of the U.S . Here are some tips on how to respond to Im proud of you: Following these tips will help to ensure that you are responding to Im proud of you in a meaningful way. 2014, 2016, 2019. Maybe some people act in a way that makes you upset they're doing that on behalf of your country, but you just remember that's not the reason you're proud to be from where you are. What if you really are proud of the person? After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report you did the research, you put the paper together. 12. They include: courage, commitment, imagination and compassion, and oh yes, patience -- lots of it -- because it doesn't happen overnight. Next course: We hope to run a face to face course beginning in early May, 2023. I had a lot of this type of treatment in that small community. Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. I just graduated with my degree in hospitality." "Oh, a future barista," says the other guest, swirling his drink. After reading this, I now believe its because I dont look up to him in any way and he doesnt know me so well as to fully appreciate my accomplishment like my family would. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see, 43 Motivational Messages For Hard Working Boyfriend, funny excuses to ask for money from your parents, How to tell your parents that you have a girlfriend, 9 Best Answers To How Was Your Interview?, 16 Clever Comebacks When Someone Tells You To Grow Up, 18 Best Responses To Backhanded Compliments On Social Media. Instead, I try implementing the approach from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), a peaceful, gentle approach to parenting, that teaches respectful communication skills, and offers alternatives to using rewards (such as praise), or punishments (such as saying "Im disappointed"). But I would also add another category: people who know you well *because* they have worked with you and even for you for a long time. First, is there anything more emotionally potent than someone you really care about and admire telling you, Im proud of you?, It feels like I can name many movies where this serves as the emotional climax. Im so glad to hear that. implying a mentor relationship. No, I am more proud of you, too. ), belonging to my close friend, on her business page. The Proud Boys ' anger toward Mr. Trump has heightened after he did nothing to help those in the group who face legal action for the Capitol violence. What does it mean when someone tells you that they are proud of you? Oh, thank you, friend. The phrase, in my belief, implies my contribution as a parent. It is a feeling of relief and it was all worth while you bringing them up properly. said Christopher Robin. By the fifth repeat of the painting, the response from him mother may quite different from the first. I believe the effort has been worth it for my children, and our relationship. 4 . If you want to reply saying you're proud of the person saying he's proud of you, the only correct answer out of those four is "I'm proud of you too". Taking a few deep breaths can help you focus. Thanks. And you get to benefit from them regardless of the outcome of your relationship. Now whether its romantic or a deep friendship is a different question. Someone has just gone out of their way to say something nice to you. We had a really nice time. My boys are all each others fan club and its marvelous. You might say: "I'm so proud of you for trying to quit smoking. 15. Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. Later, I saw her in a restaurant and apologized for balling her out in public. Who is saying this to whom? Suddenly I found myself questioning my rather lame Im thrilled for you. (My answer might surprise you. Knowing someone is proud of you, is indeed one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. 9. I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. This "mental timeout" gives you the space to process the insulting remark in light of what it was; someone's thoughtlessness or an attack meant to provoke a reaction. 6. that he harrassed them or . Is it OK to respond to "I am proud of you" with "Me to", "So do I", and "I am too", and "I am proud of you too"? Congratulations on your graduation, dear son. What Does It Mean When Someone Says I'm Proud Of You? I wouldnt get anxious about it. The way you _____ is such a perfect addition for our family. This mindset will help you achieve your goals, too. I can see a peer, a spouse, or even a child saying that to someone who got a new deserved promotion, for instance. You can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. You know that I'm bound to see you. My experiences with people saying they were proud of me (or at least making me aware in other ways that they were proud of me) first came from my own parents, mostly my dad. She states I always tell someone I am proud of them. Truly grateful to have such a loving family. I know Im a couple of years behind, but was thinking about it this morning. "A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - C.S Lewis 2. When someone says Im proud of you, they are expressing their admiration, respect, and gratitude for something you have done. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out . It makes a difference I think. 8. This is 20 years ago, and I still remember this moment. The next morning, I woke up to an email in my inbox that was one line: "I'm really proud of you." What would replace this oh-so-common parenting expression? Thank you so much! I have a one year old boy and a two month old boy, and I had my first day back at work yesterday. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. He thinks you're absolutely wonderful and he's pumped to be in a relationship with you; it's written all over his face. . I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. I did like here. They can be in dictionaries but over time can have slightly different meanings depending how they are used. I think that the phrase really bothers me, because its like saying, Wow, I didnt think you were good enough to ever achieve -insert whatever here.- My fiance said it to me last night while I was doing the dishes. Your email address will not be published. 4. How Do I Tell Him I Like Him The Best Method (Proven), What Does It Mean When She Calls You Daddy, Im so glad that youre proud of me. First, there's physical attraction. Because of this, it might feel awkward to say "I'm proud of you" to a friend or colleague, even if you mean it. On Wednesday, a Proud Boy leader, Joseph . Basically, its an ambiguous expression. The Four Words That Can Protect Your Child's Mental Health, Parenting Behaviours Linked to Suicide Amongst Adolescents, How to let your children know you are proud of them (Very Well Family), First published 28th August, 2014. Your partner is really happy about the achievement that you have made in your life or career. If you get a new job, get a participants medal for a 10K or do anything deemed worthwhile, friends, family and acquaintances will say they are so proud of you!!!. "Be proud of your scars. Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? . "I know how you feel". PJ, I think your ex still cares for you so your accomplishments evoke pride in her. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. I use the other terms like Im so happy for you. Thats my life goal. Believe me when I tell you that it is not meant so kindly elsewhere. Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. 12. Be proud that you are here. To me, if someone I respect said they were proud of me, would mean much more and have a much better and more positive effect on me than if they said Im really happy for you because the feeling of someone being proud for me includes me, my efforts and achievements, and unites me with that person who said it at the moment of saying it. 8. I wouldnt say Im proud of you in this situation. The important thing is to reach out and let the person know that they matter to you. "How I do love you!" In these instances, simply saying "Wow" (and meaning it) will let them know you're proud. I believe many people do not understand and appreciate the expression Im proud FOR you. Ben Casnocha It is a darn good thing that you wrote your opinion; that I found it tonight, and that comments continue to be accepted. So, the next time someone says Im proud of you, remember to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Her future mother-in-law (my friend) told me later she was proud of me. Living with a parents disapproval, or continually seeking a parents approval, is a life-long burden. Initially this sit didnt sit well with me. I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. What someone else does might make me proud to be his or her friend/teacher/partner/whatever and thats exactly how Ill express it Im proud to be your fill-in-the-blank. ( Or even what youve done makes me proud to call myself your ____). Instead of acting out of rage over . John decides to replicate his painting (for the reward of praise, not for his own sense of improvement and competence), and looks up at his mother with rapturous expectation. 3. They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. Connect, Converse and Communicate Better. Ah. This can help to create stronger relationships and can help to create a positive and constructive environment. Required fields are marked *. I had an experience where a friend, who I consider in every way my equal, noticed that I made a healthy food choice (not that I didnt before, but I think its the first time he noticed) and he said, Oh Im so proud of you!. The reader alone is responsible for any action they take as a result of reading this website. Saying, Im proud of you, is a great word and its an expression from the heart. Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. You certainly will. I teach high school. My boyfriends ex, posted a im so proud of you on a photo he posted: something he achieved. I again said. 0. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. 24. God being what He is, at once moral and all-powerful, the immoral life is doomed to overthrow, whether the immorality consist in grasping rapacity, proud self-aggrandizement, cruel exaction, exulting triumph or senseless idolatry. But is that really very useful? Thats what I think. Yeah, this means a lot to me. (Of course, there are always people who try to suck up to youbut hopefully you can see through it!) If you're an ex-smoker, you can draw from your own experience of quitting. 03:48. Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. However Simon Cowell for instance often says he is proud of a contestant he has never met before. I almost never tell anyone Im proud of them, for exactly this reason. I think you deserve the credit for this all. Can "me too" be used here? And if one doesnt respect ones parent, what is the reaction to such a statement? She texted back that I make her smile and that shes proud of me. (thanks to TK and Andy for helping think this through.). "Scorned ex-girlfriends are the worst. You will even fall in love with me again seeing the next surprise! A special note on research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you" prevents future mental illness and suicidal ideation in their children. First, he is probably higher status / higher power. You could also feel patronised. Sajeev Rajan These two simple words"I care"can mean so much to a person who may be feeling like the entire world is against them. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre reinforcing the positive behavior that you want to see in yourself and others. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? Updated 7th September 2016; and 19th April 2019. Maybe instead of telling me hes proud of me, like its such a surprise, maybe he should have just offered to do the dishes. When your partner is mad at you, your flirty responses to I hate you will certainly make them laugh. SFD a bit late in the day to be commenting but I think your assessment of the phrase is spot on. Fascinating post in two regards. People Who Say These 5 Words Have Very Low Emotional Intelligence. But this seems less common. How many people in your life can say, "I'm proud of you," and you take it fully and without any sort of resentment or dismissal? http://pbskids.org/rogers/songLyricsImProudOfYou.html. Thats why its important to take their words seriously and to respond in a meaningful way. The administrator suggests obtaining professional advice on any concerns (including medical or psychological) the reader may hold regarding their children, themselves, or others. Its 10 years later, and I hope that, by now, you have told your children, if you mean it, that you are proud of them. I think children want simply to be accepted and respected as themselves. Thanks, buddy! I do not believe that parents need to say "I'm proud of you" to show their support of, and their emotional connection to, their child. You worked so hard, you really deserve that job! by Carolyn Steber. Might as well as them to stop saying yall or bless her heart.. What does it mean when a woman says she's proud of you? 1. I, too, rightly believe that I had little to do with my offspring making his way in life in a manner that is worthy, but as parent, conveying I am proud of you, has distinctive and important meaning. I feel virtually murderous towards them. I'm so much proud of you for completing your graduation and wish you will succeed in every . Its a way of saying I see the hard work youve put in and I appreciate it. Also, theyre proud of you, when you do something like your family has been doing or you did something way greater or different than anyone in your family so far. 3. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. Setting goals you can achieve, also called "realist goals," reduces the chance of frustration or doubting yourself or your abilities. He remembers things that you tell him. When someone knows that you are not only proud, but you are inspired and amazed, it will be an even better compliment. stories on the Parent Skills website are posted only as opinion or ideas, and are general in nature. . I drove home and when I got home I texted her that I had arrived home safely. And Im so ashamed of you. Encouraging children and others to be proud of themselves is healthier. It does not take it away from them. It's important to remember that the power of words goes both ways. Again, these phrases are my evaluation of my childs effort. No. Thats why we feel pride in our childrens accomplishments. Also, I really like the litmus test of how you would feel on the receiving end. Home / How Do I Respond To Im proud of you? She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. When my parents tell me that they are proud of me, I generally take it to mean that they recognize something I have done on my own merit as being worthy of praise. I know you and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. Tell me something else, Ive heard this at home. The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity. Looking for some extra money from your parents? And, you are the best thing ever to happen to me. Totally the sort of thing that deserves a fist to the nose. Whatever I did, I just did it for our friendship, Bro. Towards Net Zero. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. Focus on this thing or person for a few minutes to get yourself into a more positive mindset. I can make it possible only because you give me hope. If you're more than a friend it's more loving. Approval is a parent's judgement of a child's choices - and to a child, this feels like a judgement of them as a person. They know I mean: I am so impressed by what you did, and proud to be able to call myself your mother. If I said this to a friend it would mean the same thing. Best of BBC Future. I guess its an odd word and I stay away from it because I know how sensitive I am to it. Im happy that youre with me in good and bad times. You cannot be proud of anything you were born with, only with what you achieve. But I gratuitously accepted his compliment. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and can help you to overcome self-doubt. My native language is not English, but I have fallen into the unfortunate (for somethings) of social netwoks, like facebook. To be proud of yourself for your success is one thing, for another is to be proud, they had better have seen you come up through the trenches to witness that moment or to have been involved in the process. Dont just thank them, you can reply with some cute responses to let them know that youre proud the same as they are. "I'm so proud of you" In this sentence, "proud" being translated to is absolutely right, and is also OK. On the other hand, my brother has said it to me, and although he did not play a role in my achievement, it still meant something positive to me and it felt good. I dont think there is a neutral position. Its probably contempt and anger. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. William, however, was too proud and too obstinate to lend himself to such a course. He may not have been able to think of something better or funny so he settled for that. I dislike the phrase entirely, regardless of how we are involved in the individuals life: parent, teacher, mentor, etc. If you feel stuck on getting that pride going or can't seem to identify the traits or qualities you're most proud of in yourself, go back in time. It was then that I realized that who I am is a unique, valuable, and loveable person. In this blog, well take a look at Im proud of you and how to respond to it in a meaningful way. 1. To reply to that right, here are the better and funny responses to I am proud of you from your bestie. 14. Consider why you so are grateful for this thing or person. . Our children need to know that we believe in them, that we trust them, that we support them, that we love them, that we acknowledge them as individuals separate from us. It reaffirms the choice you made is good and right, nothing more. I have a little brother who is rather insecure and jealous of me, a very controlling person that thinks having a relationship with each other means that I put up with him trying to make me feel less than in the power scheme, which is precisely why I totally avoid him My YOUNGER brother about my creative talents has to say..I am extremely proud of you..for a bit, this has thrown me off, and I was not able to quite articulate how this really got under my skin, why I did a search on the phrase and have been thinking about itand yeah, it does seem a major insult when an emotionally uncool person whose relationship with you should be on equal terms has to act like a parent, always making a show of being the bigger man saying boy, I am so proud of you.
